CHAPTER TWO:
RICHARD THOMAS BARRINGTON & SONS
SPOILER ALERT: IF YOU ARE OF A SENSITIVE DISPOSITION YOU MAY
WANT TO AVOID THIS CHAPTER. IT’S A FUNNY
STORY ABOUT UNCLE DICK’S NAME.
My Dad’s brother is Richard Thomas Barrington. He started the tradition of naming his boys
after himself. So there are currently
three generations of Richard Thomas Barrington walking throughout Camden County.
As with the “John Jacobs” we had to differentiate the
‘Richards’ from one another. Well, we
always called my Dad’s brother Uncle Dick.
His son was known as Cousin Dicky.
Now, this was well and good, until Cousin Dicky had a child named after
him. So, Uncle Dick stayed the same, and
it became Big Dick and Little Dick Barrington.
Some of you can probably see the problem in this.
Little Dick swore he wasn’t going to name his son Richard,
because no man wants to be known as the Littlest Dick in town. The Richard Thomas Barrington line swung
Episcopalian, and there was little doubt that Little Dicks son Stephen would
enter the ministry. So his son, the
soon-to-be Right Reverend Stephen H. Barrington became known as His Lordship,
No Dick of Dentdale! Now, it was always
said with a smile, and never was it meant as anything but a joke… but, I’m told
Stephen’s adolescence and formative years over at Denton Heights High were a
little rougher then they should have been.
There were many episodes of family discord in the
Barrington clan. My brother William
Thomas II* would just stop speaking to one or the other of us! Anyway,
during these epic episodes of adult-sized “I’m-not-touching-you”
there would be a civic or family event that demanded everyone’s presence. For the most part, the Barringtons could be
depended upon to behave in a manner that could loosely be called
civilized. Surprisingly (or maybe not surprisingly) it
was William’s daughter-in-law April who would instigate World War III.
April Barrington would be sitting there with her husband
Billy Barrington (W.T.B.II) and someplace between the second and third gin and
tonic (her second, his third), and in something more commonly known as a stage
whisper (a whisper that is so loud it can be heard by the entire audience) ask
her cousin The Right Reverend Stephen if being the first No Dick in the family
was helpful to his ministry.
I suppose it will come as no surprise when I tell you that
The Right Reverend Stephen Barrington responded to his nickname by producing
eight children of his own! I’m sure
Freud would have a field day with that little tidbit of information. Shortly after his youngest child’s college
graduation Stephen presented the world with a lifestyle choice related to that
ill-advised appellation. It was a
complete surprise to everyone when he lived up to his name by having a sex
change on his 60th birthday. He’s now known as The Right Reverend
Stephanie Barrington, but to us he’ll always be No Dick!
In preparation of his contributions to The Dentdale
Diaries Reverend Stephen/Stephanie was doing a little Google work, and decided
to investigate the family tree. So he
types in Big Dick Barrington, and of course, gets some surprising results in
the personal sections of Craigslist!
Worse than that, is that he recognized some of the advertisers, and now,
can no longer patronize some of the finer establishments along Clements Bridge
Road.
*Please note that William Thomas is not to be confused
with my son Toot who is Thomas William. William Thomas II is the son of my
brother William Thomas I and William Thomas II is my son Thomas William’s
cousin. Do you see why I called the kid ‘The
Other One…’?
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